This is my life…

Pain. Toxic. Misunderstood. No-one “gets” me and nobody can help me. After 10 years of calling them my family, I had to move. A transition that felt like death to me and made me even angrier and more aggressive.

Turns out this new space is quite welcoming. The people here understand me and actually like me. But I still harbour hate and anger towards my biological father. He’s a loner with money. My step-father on the other hand, is a good man with a good heart. I love him to bits. He brings out happy feelings and helps calm the anger towards my biological father. However, those happy feelings were short-lived when he got seriously ill. I’m devastated and can’t believe it.

My anger levels are at an all-time high. I’m breaking day by day. My soul is becoming a toxic pit and needs to be contained. I try therapy but it doesn’t help… It’s getting worse! I’m a ticking time-bomb waiting to explode. If my step-father dies… I’m gone. The little that is left of me will be GONE!

So is my lewe…

Pyn. Toksies. Misverstaan. Niemand kry my nie en niemand kan my help nie. Nadat ek hulle vir 10 jaar lank my familie genoem het, moes ek uit. Dit is ‘n skuif wat vir my soos die dood voel en dit maak my net kwater en meer aggressief.

Die plek is toe tog nogal verwelkomend. Die mense hier verstaan my en hou nogal van my. Maar my hart is steeds vol haat en woede teenoor my biologiese pa. Hy is ‘n alleenloper met geld. My stiefpa aan die ander kant is ‘n goeie man met ‘n goeie hart. Ek is baie lief vir hom. Hy bring rustigheid en help om die woede teenoor my pa te kalmeer. Maar toe ek hoor hy het ernstig siek geraak is ek  verpletter en kon ek dit nie glo nie.

My woede is buite beheer. Ek breek elke dag ‘n bietjie meer. My siel is ‘n toksiese put wat moet toegedruk word. Ek probeer terapie, maar dit help nie. Dit raak erger! Ek is tydbom wat wag om te ontplof. As my stiefpa moet doodgaan is dit die einde vir my. Wat van my wat oor is sal WEG wees.